Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
