she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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