If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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