the condom got lost in my hair
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
