So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
