So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
