Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
