Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dignity is for republicans.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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