There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
