Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
