I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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