So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
