As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
