So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
