Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
