Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
