Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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