Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He passed out mid-signature
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
