So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
