I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize