oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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