chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
