Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
