Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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