Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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