Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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