Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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