Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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