i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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