i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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