thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
