dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
