Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
