She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You pole danced in your parka.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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