Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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