they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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