she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize