What tipped you off? The sombrero?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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