As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
