i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
