You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
