Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
