Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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