I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
