I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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