If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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