Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
