you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
