Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
