So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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