Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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