You work out of a Hotel?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
