I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize