I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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