oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize