You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
