do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
