Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
