She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
