Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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