I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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