hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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