I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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