dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize