can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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