I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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