Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
